Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
