just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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