i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
