I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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