I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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