my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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