i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
do herpes really smell.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
