You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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