You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
