Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
