Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
