i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
