threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
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you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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