This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize