We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
