Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am one with the molecules
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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