His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
