Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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