i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
