I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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