So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
