If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm passing your future prison.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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