you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
