Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
