i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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