Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
