That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
