Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
