he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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