The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
