would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
