he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
