is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
