I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
