her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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