Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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