Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
