It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize