Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
