Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
from now on my penis is your penis
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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