Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
