OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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