from now on my penis is your penis
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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