i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
