That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
