You just made me feel so damn special
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
