Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
