Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
