The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
