there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
