I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
