Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am mentally ready for anal.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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