my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
