The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
