i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
