kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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