drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
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The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was like giving head to a cactus.
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We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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