Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize