I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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