he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
