I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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