i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
