you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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