I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
