I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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