dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
