How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
