Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
