Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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