You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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