I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
