2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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