With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
