No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
