Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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