It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
