One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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