i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
