so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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