I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
