I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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