my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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