i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
